Resolutions Work Best When There's No Decent Alternative

There's nothing like major surgery to get you serious about your health

Jan 16, 2022

Photo by Engin Akyurt on Unsplash

This month, I’m drinking at least 73 ounces of water and walking two miles a day. As a result, I’ve already lost four pounds. I wish I could say it was willpower, but it’s not. Instead, it’s something closer to sheer terror. Let me explain.

I’ve been suffering from severe acid reflux for many years now. Medication has made a difference, but proton pump inhibitors are not an ideal long-term solution. So over the past five or six years, I’ve undergone several endoscopies to keep track of the situation.

Recently, I consulted a surgeon about having a lipoma (a slow-growing fatty lump) removed from my thigh. As he studied my chart, he remarked that he noticed I was suffering from a hiatal hernia, the surgery that’s his specialty. (In fact, his bio says it’s “his passion.” Oh, my!) He explained the procedure for repairing the hernia, which is minimally invasive and done laparoscopically.

I jokingly asked if he could remove the lipoma and repair the hernia simultaneously.

He said he could and would. (Who doesn’t love a BOGO?) However, I still wasn’t entirely convinced. “Would I lose any weight?”

“Oh, yes,” he replied. “Most of my patients lose at least 20 to 30 pounds.”

I’m overweight, hovering on the edge of obesity; that sounded like a damn good deal. My surgeon signed me up for an endoscopy to check out my current situation. The results show that half of my stomach is up in my chest cavity, where it has no business being. This biological booboo is the reason for my acid reflux. I decided to go ahead and get that all sorted out.

A week before the surgery, I was put on an all-liquid, low-calorie diet and started walking at least two miles a day. Taking these steps will help ensure a successful surgery and quicker recovery. The goal is to get blood sugar under control, lessen my Body Mass Index, and reduce the size of my liver.

The surgeon will be working in an area typically obstructed by the liver. If it’s too large, I’ll need an additional incision, into which they’ll insert something to shove it out of the way. I want to avoid that!

So here I am, swilling bone broth, Pure Protein drinks, and gallons of “clear liquids.” Sadly, vodka is not an acceptable clear liquid.

For me, it’s not just going to be Sober January, but Sober February and March, too. If I'm lucky, I may be able to digest corned beef and cabbage by St. Patrick’s Day.

I’m not sure how much writing I will be able to do in the next month or so. In the meantime, here are a few of my recent and not-so-recent scribbles.

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